I think that it might be a good thing- sometimes think about what could happen- it can lead one to appreciate their health and the blessings that they have now!

    Glad that you will be teaching!

 Be proud of all of your accomplishments!

  Have a Blessed day!,

               Jewel

haha.. I like this entry. There are so many days like that for me...

[bananna]

YAY YAY YAY for the Good Grades! Go YOU! Glad that you are feeling like yourself!

   Have a Blessed weekend!,

        Jewel

You will be missed! I'm proud of you for all of your accomplishments and hard work! Go You!

   I pray that God brings you some deep connections!

   Have a blessed week!

    Love,

         Jewel

My Dear Friend,

  I only have a moment online...But promise to come back and read this entry to it's entirety.(Sp) 

  But I wanted to say THANK YOU and to let you know how your message meant to me and helped me today!!!!

    YOU ROCK!

    Will catch up with you soon!

    With Much Gratitude,

           Jewel

I read by the way, I just don't comment....much.

Sometimes we outgrow our friends. It can be a bit painful. However, sometimes it's the same trait (example: outspoken honesty) we find brutal, which can also prove a strength in other matters. No one's perfect. Friendship is a balance. Although, when you find yourself give-give-giving or feeling like you are shutting up shop on the friendship, it can be time to wind it down.

   Thank YOU sooooo much for the hugs! Made me smile sooo big!

    I don't think that your being selfish at all...I think we have intuition that lets us know who we can trust to share our deepest feelings and secrets with!  I do think that we sometimes have to protect our hearts and spirits!

    I'm so proud of you for working hard to realize your dreams of teaching and you should be proud of yourself!

    Have a blessed day!

    Love and Prayers,

         Jewel

Glad to read that you have come into your own...that you are being the REAL you! YAY!

  Have a blessed day!,

         Jewel

Sounds like a good guy. I like the Mastercard commercial references. I got sick and missed the second week of classes, I hate it when that happens.

-Tasja's Eli

Hours spent coming up with a commercial: Many.
Money spent on putting said commercial on-air: Many more.
Making said commercial memorable (and quote-able): Priceless.

...Lame, I know. I tried. I think I'm all out of creativity. (Say, do they got something for that? No? They should. I'd pay.)

Anyway, good luck tomorrow and hope that your throat gets better!

Take care,
-John.

Dear Friend,

  It anyone makes you feel feel like a push-over for being forgiving and tolerant of the faults of others- Don't by into that...Forgiveness isn't for the lazy...It's hard sometimes but it's the way to go!  I think that it takes more internal strength and discipline to forgive and be tolerant!

    I'm glad that you have self- confidence and would not allow anyone to abuse you! Go YOU!

   Have a Blessed day!,

         Jewel

    Oh, you are smart, and your thoughts are interesting. We all have those complainy times. Like you, I try to avoid them as much as possible. I've continually read what you have to say because you didn't write for other people, but for yourself. I get the feeling that you would write no matter who read. That's pretty cool.

-Tasja's Eli

Dear Friend,

    Thank YOU for your kind notes and support! Thank YOU for being there for me while I've been away and not had much time online to comment and keep up!  Hopefully, things will settle down in a month.

     I'm so glad that you write here and share your thoughts and life..I'm so glad that you've come out of your shell to a place of speaking up and out...I'm so glad that you know that you do have valuable things to say and that it does make a difference.

    Your compassion is a beautiful thing! I have felt it! 

    My thoughts today are on my Blessings...How blessed I am to have a good relationship with my daughter today...How Blessed I am each day that God gives me a fresh start and helps me to stay sober...How blessed I am to have friends like you and hang in there with me!

    I hope that your day is FILLED with Blessings!

    Your Friend,

         Jewel

    We'd love you at Taco Bell, they embrace lunacism over there. It's the only way to get through.

    I can make a perfect 11.7 ounce grilled stuffed burrito, but cooking is something I never really learned. When you have difficulty with macaroni and cheese, you have cooking problems.

    I relate to the not showing emotion part. Some say that it stems from being told how to feel all your life. Or not being allowed to feel how you feel, even though it's not really your fault. It leads to an emotional disconnect.

    It was very funny. You really are a creative and interesting writer.

-Tasja's Eli

I only have a minute before I have to get ready to leave...But wanted to stop by to wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope to catch up with you after the Holidays!

  Love, Hugs and Prayers,

         Jewel 

Unsure

I don't know enough about yoga

Uh??? Why yoga?

And I hope that helps, although I seem to be the only person who has replied... o.O;

Cool.

-Eli

    It's frustrating paying a lot of money for classes that don't mean anything to you. And you'll forget the info after the class is over anyway.

-Eli

Rough. I'm glad you're not acting like a defeatist. I hate to say it, but moving far away from my parents was one of the best things I've ever done.

-Eli

Dear Friend,

  You are very welcome!

   I'm so glad to read that your mom is back on her meds! YAY To the Heavens! 

 there was a point when I was ill and my perception was clouded that I thought that everyone else needed the meds!   It's so easy to get lost in delusions.  Hopefully the medication will clear your mom's perceptions.

   It saddens me to think that your mom us turning others against you- I know how that feels..My mom use to do it with my daughter.  It does hurt.

   'People are just going to have to get use to the fact that I'm making up my own mind about things."...Powerful line...That's where I am...Everyone has their conflicting opinions...Just keep doing what you need to do to be healthy and to take good care of yourself.

    I'm praying for a healthy change in your mom.

   I am glad that she sent you the note telling you that she loves you.

   Have a blessed day!,

         Jewel

Dearone,

  This entry saddens me so..because I know that your mom's illness is fully in control of her. 

   Can you seperate her from the illness...

   And rememebr that if she was in her right mind, she would want you to take care of yourself emotionally away from this illness...

    You may have to set hard boundaries!

    Is she taking her meds????

    Thinking of you..please let me know.

     Your Friend,

         Jewel

lol we are alot alike. i have problems with my mom and my computer had broke so i had to sneak on the schools computer and a bunch of other stuff lol... kinda weird... but anyway i hope you feel better with everything that is going on in your life.

 Thank YOU soooooo much for cheering me on!  For so many that would seem like small things- But for me they were BIG!  For those moments in time I was in control of my anxiety rather than allowing it to control me.

   Thank YOU for sharing with me about your mom...When we feel better because of our meds, we like to think that we no longer need them. We often think that if we would just try harder we could overcome this on our own...That's a big part of the disease- Denial.  But who wants to admit they have a 'mental illness' and have to take medications. 

    I wish that your mom could come to see the meds as a Blessing...they stop our overwhelming pain and give us a chance at some type of life.  I wish that she could see as I do- that without them I AM ILL...More ill.  I wish that she could see that we owe it to our loved ones to take them!  This illness is a whole-family illness..effecting each person that we have contact with.

    It must all seem so crazy to you.  And there's no making sense of the insanity. 

 Do what you need to do in order to take care of YOU...You know that if your mom was in her right mind then that's what she would want you to do..She would wnat you to be healthy and happy and productive.

   I'm here if you ever have any questions.

    I'm rooting for you as well!

    Your Friend,

        Jewel 

   I'm so sorry to read that your mom is so ill and behaving this way.   Is she taking her meds? If so it sounds like she needs an increase..She's not sounding in touch with reality..I have bipolar and know how irrational and paranoid and over-emotional that we can be when our meds are working properly.

   I think that you are handling things with her very well..Being short and simply stating the facts.

 I'm so glad that you are NOT blaming yourself or getting lost in her illness.

   Your dad sounds like a sweet heart.

   I pray that things improve!,

          Jewel

Glad to see you here, my friend!   I pray that things get better at home...I hope that things become less hectic and stressful!

   Do you have to share the journal with the teacher or with the class?

   Missed you!,

     Jewel

    From one college student to another, you have my sympothy. Although I feel like a lazy bum since I'm only taking a couple classes. I'm working a lot, but I can't go to school full-time until Spring for financial reasons. College life is sometimes rough, but the hope is that it has it's reward.

You're favorite reader,

-Eli

Dear Friend,

  Thank YOU so very much for your prayers, your note, your compassion, your good wishes! Your prayers ARE being answered and have made a GREAT difference!

    I am so glad that you have found someone that you are happy with!

   It's good to see you back!

   Much Love and Gratitude,

           Jewel

    Yeah, I wrote about the jar of mayo and the robbery. Both were over a year ago. Time goes by so fast.

    I'm glad to hear that you've found a guy who you can have fun with. You sound mature when it comes to your love life, that's a nice change compared to most diaries.

Glad you're doing well,

-Eli

hope you keep checking in i like reading your entries. hope everythings good for you.

    You probably did the right thing by breaking up with him. When two people in a relationship lean on each other too much, they both fall down.

    I love hearing rants, so I'm ready.

-Eli

friends can help

moms sometimes forget things and dont care

your friend worrying about you is a good thing it shows she cares

caitlyn... i dont know why she is pouting but make her feel better.

sorry if it seems blunt but you left me hanging a bit. but sounds like my old life.

 Heart Hugs my friend!  I'm sorry that you had to go through that...But I think that you got the lesson of it- You were right that we can't please everyone (I struggle with that issue sometimes too.)

    You are right that we can't fix other people. 

 Wise entry!

   Your Friend,

       Jewel 

 It's good to see an entry from you!

 "The Stand Up club' sounds like a good idea..Glad that you have a friend to support you in the changes that you wan to make...that makes things so much easier!

   I hope that you have a good time camping- if you go!

   Have a blessed weekend!,

         Jewel

    I know what you mean. It's important to realize the things you're responsible for and the things you're not. People have their own problems, it's not my fault that they can't always find an answer. Most of them don't seem to want an answer sometimes.

-The Eli

This is so true! I can relate.

Glad you had a good day,

Jax

I am glad you had a superb weekend.

thanks for commenting, you made my day

    I get the 'I don't care' people all the time at work, it's the most frustrating thing. People tell me that they don't care about their job, and it bothers the heck out of me. It's their job to care. If they don't then they shouldn't be working there. People also tend to say that they don't care what other people think of them. And they say it over and over and over...so I figure that they must care a whole lot about what other people think, or they wouldn't be saying it so much. I mean, they're obviously desperate to convince everybody, because they want everybody to think that about them, which contradicts what they're saying. Usually, people who say 'I don't care' a lot are giving a lame excuse for not doing something that they should do. People are filled with excuses.

    When it comes to arguement, nobody usually learns anything. People choose which evidence to believe. We live in an age where people think that everything is good, and there's no such thing as being wrong. So instead of looking for fact, we just say that everybody should just pick and choose their beliefs and opinions at random, usually based on the kind of person they want to be. There's no point in argueing with them, because they're not going to change their mind. One can argue that it plants the seeds so that one day their mind may change, but I'm far to cynical to say something like that.

Sounds like a nice camping trip. Hope I didn't overwhelm you with nonesense.

Buenos noches.

-Eli

The beach is beautiful this time of year isnt it.
Though my favorite beach spot is my hometown, but im not currently living there anymore, so i decided i cannot cheat with it and go to any other beaches.

Your human, but you cannot help everyone.
I wish we could though, then the world would be alot better.
Glad you had a awesome weekend.
Huggles.

Best wishes with the research!

  Have a Blessed Night!,

         Jewel

    I hate tests. I took the SATs and PSATs, hated doing them both. I'm pretty convinced that multiple choice questions have a pattern, but not sure enough to actually risk a test score on it. The PSATs were very average, and the SATs I did better than most, but not as good as some. 590 math 540 verbal, of course now, they changed the test so it feels as if my scores are somehow invalid. At least I didn't have to do an essay portion that they have on the new SATs.

-Eli

I like the Spanish, very delightful. It's nice to read something that other people can't. It makes me feel special.

-Eli

Dear Thinking,

   Thank YOU for the note...Your feedback helped..You were right about drinking being a reality with teens....Your comment helped me to feel that I did do the right thing by not scolding her....I feel that it is so important to keep the communitcations open and honest.

    I did read the entire entry...I think that it's great that you use your diary to write about your true thoughts and emotions and to work things through...that shows a real thriver...someone who is willing to examine herself, her life and grow. 

 That's a commitment that I have with myself...to keep my diary honest and real despite what my readers may or may not think. 

    I am sorry to read that your friends are so negative and insulting towards you..That would be painful to deal with. I don't like to be around people who are negative and insulting.  We need positive energy in our lives.  That type of energy would effect anyone in a negative way!  I shall pray that God brings you new and better friends.

   I belive that you try your best...Perhaps you put too much pressure on yourself.  You best IS Good enough! YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

    From what I know about you - you are a smart and caring person. 

    I also use my diary to face and write through my issues!  Keep writing! Keep being real! If others don't like it then  to them.

    Happy 4th!,

       Your Friend,

          Jewel

  Thank YOU so much for yoru note...I'm having that afternoon depression as I write...Your note was a bright spot in my day.  You are so kind to me and I greatly appreciate it.

   Update soon and let us know how things are with YOU.

   Your Friend,

      Jewel

[Jeweliet]

 Glad that things are okay with your boyfriend..I hope that you were able to get some sleep.

  Have a blessed day!,

      Jewel

Dear Thinkthoughts,

   Thank YOu so much for asking about bipolar and for wanting to learn and understand about it. 

 It may be hard for me to explain but I will try...The mood swings with bipolar are severe and deep...In one cycle one is on top of the world...can do anything...feels so very good and europhoric..High...But we are sometimes way too talkative...Having rapid thoughts that get worse and more rapid...associations that make no sense to others...In this stage of the illness we are too loud, too out going, too flirty, too hyper sexual...and sometimes just plain rude.   For me the full-blown manias would take a bad turn...I would be up for days on end...Wired...I would start to hear voices in my head.  I would start to believe that the TV was talking directly to me.  I would believe that God was leading me to do things that God would never lead one to do.  I was delutional...Don't worry I'm on an anit-psychotic now.

   The depressions were horrid...I couldn't get up for days...had intense mental, emotional, and even physical pain...Was plagued by suicidal thoughts...My downs now- are nothing in comparison to what they were before medications...I love life...don't have suicidal thoughts..If they start again, then I know thta it is a clear sign that I need my medications increased.

    Yes, everyone has their ups and downs in life...But not to that extreme...One doesn't go from being high on life to wanting to kill themselves in a matter of hours.

    My online diary also serves as a mood journal for me.   Keeping up with the episodes helps me to see them , to see the cycle, to know when the episode is servere enough that it warrants a med-tune up. 

    I'm sorry to read that you have had to deal with mental illness in your own family.  I'd like ot know more about that sometime...IF you feel like sharing...when you feel like sharing.

   I'm sorry to read about your problems with your boyfriend.  I have a hard time coping with fighting as well...But like you , I try to remember that there will be disagreements in any relationship...

    I hope that answer made some sense to you.

   Have a blessed day!,

        Jewel 

    That's actually pretty funny. I needed a laugh.

-Eli

 I am glad you ended your entry with God Bless...I felt blessed and it made me smile.

 I think it's so wonderful that you want to help other people.  I loved that paragraph..It was beautiful.

  Have a blessed night!,

        Jewel

Yeah two of them. I win.

    It's easier when you're not thinking thoughts or feeling feelings. Stating facts takes up so much less energy.

-Eli

    I have to say, I use my own name excessively in letter format. Other people's name, not so much. And I'm not sure what it means when someone does do that.

-Eli

    I was supposed to get braces when I was fourteen. I didn't want them, my parents didn't want to pay for them, so we'll see if I have crooked teethe when I'm thirty. My teethe are already kind of crooked to tell the truth. One of my bottom teethe overlaps another one, but nobody really notices.

    People do things that are socially acceptable. If my teethe were really bad, I'd do something to fix it. The same way if my hair was dirty, I would wash it. I wouldn't say that people should accept me for the way I am, whether or not I wash my hair. There are just some things that we have to do, even if it sucks.

    I purposely make an effort to be kind to everyone, rather than just beautiful people. Once they start showing that their personality is ugly, then I start making fun of them.

-Eli

    It sounds nice. I might be getting my own apartment this Fall. I'm a person who values his space, so it's going to be something that I really enjoy.

-Eli

    That sucks. Focus is something that determins whether or not people make it in life. It takes focus to get your project done on time, despite the last minute hurry it took.

-Eli

    It sounds sincere to me.

    I watch Gilmore Girls with no intention other than to make fun of it. It's very much a Girls whow. Somehow I've become one of those people who talk to the characters in the television show. "No Rory, don't go out with him!"

-Eli

sometimes i dont like people either!

<3Lindsey

I tried to keep my identity hidden when I first started writing on MDD. EliW, Elijah William Eby, my screen name didn't seem to give away too much. It would really suck if someone from the real world stumbled their way upon my MDD account, but it's pretty unlikely. I don't really worry about it much anymore. I can't think of anyone I know who would be found on MyDearDiary. The name is pretty girly and not the type of thing I'd usually be found anywhere near. But here I am.

-Eli

    I think I'm going through a phase, I just go from one phase to another, randomly. Serious, silly, frustrated, funny, I just keep going.

    People in my life have always recognized that I'm a bit more independent than most. It's not that I can't make friends, it's that...well, I guess I'm just okay by myself. I'm not always anti-social, I talk to my co-workers and a couple aquaintances at school, I just don't feel a particular need to hang out with them in my free time. I'm busy, and it really doesn't take much to fill up my social needs.

-Eli

Thanks for the comment.

There was a few people who thought the same way as you do.

Spiritsfire

    Okay, first of all, the magic of photobucket.

-Go to photobucket.com, there's some sort of registration, it's completely free and safe.

-After you get registered and have an account you can start uploading pictures from your computer to the website storage place.

-On your MDD entry, click the little picture frame button with the mountain on it . It's on the toolbar. It should open up a window where it says 'insert image' at the top

-On photobucket, copy and paste the URL link from just under your picture to the top line of the 'insert image' window.

-What I do is hit the preview button, and then copy and paste the image preview on to my entry.

-Some people can just hit the 'okay' button at the bottom of the 'insert image' window.

    It's nothing that a smart college girl like yourelf can't do. If you have any trouble, I'm here. One way or another, we're going to get some kind of picture on here.

    My busses are exactly the same way, some seats facing inward and some outward. I love it when the bus it totally empty, and I can just sit in the back and lay my legs across the chairs. I really don't like sitting next to or across from people on the bus. When I have to sit in a seat across from someone, that's the time to play the 'pretend you're sleeping' game. I lay my head back and close my eyes so that I don't have to stare at the person across from me. I have many anti-social behavior methods up my sleeves.

    Yeah, absolutely Christianity should be exactly about the two points you mentioned, love your neighbor and forgiveness. I have met so many who don't don't even try to do either. Instead they make Christianity about who drinks, smokes, what they eat, what they say, how they dress, or who they hang out with. They're totally missing the point. Smoking a cigarette or cursing is not sin, just unhealthy. In my personal experience with the church going crowd (many but not all), they base their religion on who drinks, smokes, etc. When it comes to forgiving and loving your neighbor, they teach it but they don't use it in their daily lives. They excuse their inability to do those two things by sayind, "no one is perfect." You can excuse anything with that phrase, they're not trying.

    This comment is way too long. Do you like getting long comments? So do I.

-Eli

Congrats on the new Job!  Best wishes with the gig! Go YOU! 

   I hope that your day is Blessed!,

            Jewel

    Awe, your picture isn't showing up. I'm disappointed. Are you using the magic of photobucket?

    Good luck with the band thing. Right on, go for it.

-Eli

    I need as many results for my survey as I can get. I'm surveying people from ages 16-21 for a school sociology project. It would help me out a lot if you could fill it out as soon as you can.

-Eli

    I always thought that I'd be kind of bored if I worked at a place like
Safeway. There is so much high energy at The Bell. It would feel weird if I worked at a place that's a little slower.

    I've considered a job on campus a few times, like at the bookstore or something. It would keep my mind more focused on school, which is where it should be.

-Eli

    Haven't heard from you in a while. Good luck with everything.

-Eli

    That's a nice entry to read.  I relate, I'm working and colleging, and I haven't gone to a church regularly in five years, but my faith is something that is very important to me.

Peace and Love

-Eli

Goodluck getting back on track. There's never a moment too soon to do so. I pray your walk with God will be renewed and you'll be connected with Him again. (:

Eternity really is too much to comprehend! But it will be so awesome at the same time..

~Kat

    I went through the entire 'Firefly' first season now, and I must say that I'm a fan. It was really annoying when I found out that they aren't doing anymore episodes. As soon as I grew an emotional attachment to the characters they go off the air.

    A 'B' isn't the worst thing in the world. Grades are very important, which is something I found out the hard way. I'm quite determined to get a perfect transcript for the rest of my college years.

    By the way, my seventeen year old little brother, is a college physics major and has never had less than an 'A'.

-Eli

  Thank you for the note of encouragement..It was soooo kind of you to take the time...Brightened my day! 

   It's so wonderful that you are in school and got such good grades! YAY You...I think it's also wonderful that you are at a place of not expecting yourself to be perfect!  You should be very porud of yourself and all that you are accomplishing!

   Wishing you a blessed weekend!,

           Jewel

   I'm sorry to read that your friends let you down. That would make any of us feel sad...

  Congrats on the MP3 player.

   Hope that tomorrow is a good day for you!

   Blessings,

     Jewel

Dear Thinking,

   I like your humor...The scene was very good.  You have alot of talent.

   I'm sorry that your friends are having so much trouble..especiallya round the holidays. 

   Thank you so much for sharing with me what you have been through with your mom..You certainly do know the ugly face of addiction.  It left me wondering how your mom is doing now?  If she made amends...If you've been able to forgive her.

   Heart hugs for your having to go through that.

   I hope that work goes well.

  Wishing you a Blessed Day!,

         Jewel

Dear Thinking,

  Thank you so very much for the note and good wishes...Your cheer helped me...Your note helped me.  Hearing that things are so good in your life and heart..helped me..and made me smile.

   I'm so proud of you for being in college!  You should be proud of yourself and all that you are accomplishing! 

   Update soon and let me know how things are with you.

   With Much Gratitude!,

        Jewel

Dear Thinking,

   Thank you so much for your note to me and for sharing with me your plans.   I am excited for you...what a wonderful and loving career choice. When I was much younger, I wanted to become a teacher..But illness had other plans for me.  (Bipolar disorder)  I'm just grateful to be stable today and to have a chance at a new and normal life.

   I was so sick for so long, that I still haven't decided what I want to do with the rest of my life..so I am always very happy to read about those in college...knowing, following and creating their dreams.

   Thank you for brightening my day.

   I hope that today and tomorrow are filled with Blessing for you!,

                       Jewel

   I am soooooo glad to read that you are enjoying your time off! YAY You!  You deserve a break..I'm sure you have to work so hard in school.  What are you studying to become?

   Wishing you the best!,

        Jewel

    You're an interesting person. I like your bio too.

    You seem like a different type of person. It's cool to vent here. I try not to do it, but once in a while I end up typing my thoughts before they turn into cohesive ideas. Don't apologize for venting, we all write in different ways for different reasons.

    You will succeed. I believe it. Just keep striving.

    I like your writing. It's not overly dramatic or illiterate. I can tolerate a certain amount of grammatical mistakes from most diaries (lacking commas, mispellings ect...) but there are just some who just need a few more years of school.

    Don't give up on work or school. You're perfectly capable.

I will have a nice evening, you too.

-Eli